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Tales of a Football Fan (S01 E01)

Tales of a Football Fan

Today is Saturday and my routine is the same: wake up, pray, check my messages and try to stay in bed as long as possible. I hate doing laundry. I feel it’s too stressful because of the continual tug of war between my hands over a cloth I had worn.

All other chores? I love them; name it, cooking, cleaning the house, ironing my cloth? Oh yes and maybe as time goes on, I will learn the gentle art of babysitting.

Tales of a Football Fan

My Saturdays are sacred. As a university student, I rarely had time. Saturdays were like every other day for me. In fact, they were the days I slept the least. However, in this new chapter, they’re the freest. I made up my mind there and then to do something; dedicate the sanctity of my day to watch football when I had the time (you know what I mean)…

As I approached the common room at around some minutes to one, I could see the odd person seated, why? Spurs were playing West Ham. At this point I must tell you this; in Nigeria, football is the in-thing. You would not walk past two or three people who aren’t talking about the round leather game.

Be it Liverpool’s Devon lache-style collapse in 2014 or the miracle of Istanbul or Jose Mourinho’s negativity. We had it all. No wonder every weekend, viewing centres, sports bars, lounges and particularly, students’ common rooms were always full.

As in a popular advert some years ago, there are different people you meet in such public places;

  1. The Ardent Fans

They’re the ones who always leap to the defence of their club in any argument or discussion. These days it’s hard to figure out why fans are animated but you’ll probably find them moving some body parts.

  1. The “Olotes”

They are fans of rival clubs. They’re typically known as the Matchday’s kings of banter. Just pray hard that your team doesn’t lose or you are in serious trouble. They seem to have unending loads of jokes to throw at you when your team loses.

  1. The Novices

They ask a whole lot of questions, most especially really annoying ones. Even more annoying is the fact that they don’t seem to get it all at once. You always have to keep reminding them every minute, whether it’s the player whose name you just mentioned a few seconds ago or the coach whose name has been overly repeated.

  1. The Baseless Arguers

These set of people just like opening their mouths and creating useless debates with baseless premises. You may be wondering if you’ve met any of them before. Of course, you have. If in doubt, just cast your mind back to that one guy who was trying to compare Messi and Hazard.

I will stop at a last category today, ones I refer to as “the smellos.” These guys possess all sorts of odour that it has become their fragrance. Sadly, you will always have to agree they are right even when they are wrong because of that odour. You know them ba?

Let me stop here today… I shall continue tomorrow… I forgot to add… it’s about eight minutes to ten now… and my Saturdays are not complete unless I have had my weekend dose of FIFA 17, the video game…

Author: Tosin Adesina

A football purist.

Tosin Adesina
A football purist.

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