by Rilwan Balogun (@balogunrealone)
If you don’t understand satire, this isn’t for you…
Many years ago, the leadership of the Nigeria Football Federation (NFF), worried about the chasm in the quality shown by Nigerian-trained players and those trained overseas, decided to play a very long ball.
Disturbed by the number of locals that had made the Super Eagles in recent years, the association went on a route that would bring lots of ‘innit‘ into the team. After all, pidgin isn’t an international language, even if it is our footballer’s lingua franca.
On the pitch, they felt we needed to be more quiet. Nigerians are loud people and the international community didn’t need ufers. Those big friendlies we would have must not just be played by locals that had always populated the team. Nigerians in the diaspora needed a representation too. All these, the football administrators worked on.
To accommodate these Nigerians in the diaspora, Oga felt it would be justifiable when the local league can’t produce players of good quality. Enter a reckless abandonment of local football.
Fans can focus on the European leagues, and when the Super Eagles will play too. In place of talking about good passes and goals that make the sway, they can concentrate on the long range shots in the EPL, the NFF felt.
Off to England. They went with thick cardigans, and cameras, met with clubs asking black players in academies what their surnames were. They streamlined Nigerians from others. They discovered many. An encouragement of those that didn’t have to build their skills on the street. A kind of humble apology for leaving them to grow up abroad.
E dey help Market
Pictorially, the team pictures are finer too. The Ogas have smooth faces to sell to Nike, the jersey sponsor. The ‘innit’ guys are fine boys. They are doing everything to apologise to them, for how they allowed them grow without developing on the streets of Lagos, Kaduna, Port Harcourt and Kano. Apologies for leaving them to grow under the cold.
No Local Rappers allowed.
Local players? They’ve had their time! We must reap from our massive investment in European academies. Our league can run for four months, ‘make e no be like say we no get local players’.
They say if you want to play for the Super Eagles, go to Serbia, Czech Republic, find a way of scoring against a big team in the Champions League, let Belgium be your first stop to France. Go anywhere, don’t stay in Nigeria, it is harvest time in Europe.
Football vendors? Those ones can quit their jobs. They can join political parties, and become Twitter warlords. They have given us the Super Eagles, ranked 35th in the world, ‘e easy?’
The footballers that won’t go to the academies in Europe? Those ones can go to Vietnam, Cambodia, Bahrain, and if they are lucky, Tunisia, Egypt, and Morocco. They should be careful of a Mongolian ordeal.
Others that have nowhere to go to, can become journalists and cry about the academies the NFF have in Europe. You think it’s only Nigerians born in Nigeria that deserve attention? No, we don’t.
Author: For The Goal
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